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Sleek apartment Broker.

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

I enter the broker’s office & fire-breathe onto the secretary, igniting her face.

“Be a hero,” I tell myself.  I reach through the back of her skull to grab a cold beer from the fridge and extinguish her flames.  Next, she’s gratefully mounting me…  “There’s no shame here; only chance is to drive forward into the endless fucking…”  Petal to the metal, America. You just got yourself a new crash pad.  xoxo

Missionary Man

Saturday, January 17th, 2009

He takes you down, face to face, and FUCKS you…

See the world from this position!

Go all the way, fucking him back, Dear World!  When you do, you shall be made love to!

endlessly, xoxo, gabe

Satan at the door

Saturday, November 15th, 2008

I asked this certain guest of mine (who shall remain nameless) not to smear feces and tortured souls all over my walls when he comes over…

So, get this…

He comes over and breaks the doorbell, for starters.  So, I don’t even know he’s here.  Then he starts screaming hellfire that I’m not answering the door, and he damns all the neighbors on the floor of my apartment building for no reason.  He breaks in and grabs me by the neck with demon-hands, and I’m like, “What?”

And he’s like, “I’ve been here for half an hour ringing the doorbell.”

So I say, “No, because I was here, and nobody was ringing.  And the doorbell worked this morning when the UPS guy came, so if it’s not working now, you broke it”  So he flips out and starts smearing feces and tortured souls all over the place, just like I asked him not to, and I say “So, where’s my new doorbell, motherfucker?”- except this part I say under my breathe to myself while I make us pasta.

My birth canal

Monday, November 10th, 2008

So, it was time for me to be born.

First of all, I had to squeeze my whole goddamned body out of my mother’s super-tight cunt.  She hadn’t been fucked all week by my dad ’cause me and his dick had a fight near the cervix and his dick was still mad.

Okay, so anyway… I get sucked down the drain of my mom’s vagina… Right after my whole placenta get drained of fluid and I feel like I’m suffocating in a wet plastic bag!- Damnit!

Then I go throught the canal, and let me tell you, this ain’t no gondola ride with a hot-ass Italian giving me a hand-job while my dick is fully exposed to the windows of Venice.  No, it ain’t like that, see… Here’s my birth canal: falling, helplessly, endlessly, down a dark and odorous rabbit hole: walls of hands grabbing for me in emotional desperation, reaching for their lives, that I may save…  A million blind mouths cry forever in the echoing cavern of my mother’s pussy, cursing and claiming me at the same time.

Then, it gets worse.  I get lodged in the canal ’cause the doctor does my mom and stuffs his dick in her, blocking my passage.  His dickhead goes into my soft infant skull and scramble my brains.  He cums in there, and the semen swims through my newly formed nervous system.

The doctor pulls out with me stuck on his dickhead.  My mother says she didn’t realize he wore a condom.  He reveals it is not a condom, but me, her newborn baby boy.  Then I breast fed: THE END.