Satan at the door
I asked this certain guest of mine (who shall remain nameless) not to smear feces and tortured souls all over my walls when he comes over…
So, get this…
He comes over and breaks the doorbell, for starters. So, I don’t even know he’s here. Then he starts screaming hellfire that I’m not answering the door, and he damns all the neighbors on the floor of my apartment building for no reason. He breaks in and grabs me by the neck with demon-hands, and I’m like, “What?”
And he’s like, “I’ve been here for half an hour ringing the doorbell.”
So I say, “No, because I was here, and nobody was ringing. And the doorbell worked this morning when the UPS guy came, so if it’s not working now, you broke it” So he flips out and starts smearing feces and tortured souls all over the place, just like I asked him not to, and I say “So, where’s my new doorbell, motherfucker?”- except this part I say under my breathe to myself while I make us pasta.